My Agony:
The Emotional Pain, Sadness, Suffering, Anger, Fear, Hurt, Guilt, Helplessness Confusion, Hatred, Revenge, etc., etc. that is in me and the world around me.
My Emotional & Moral Sickness:
Depression, Loneliness, Rejection, Divorce, Alcoholism, Drugs, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Loss of Faith, Moral Degradation, broken families, child abuse, extra-Marital relationships, etc., etc.
My Physical Sickness:
Dementia, Alzheimer’s, Cancer, AIDS, Tumours, Heart Problems, Diabetes, Sicknesses of every Organ in the Body, Bone Structure and whatever else you can think of including the Skin and every Sickness and Disease caused by germs, etc.
My Desire:
That I be happy as well as make a small contribution to world peace by accepting, persons, situations and events with compassion and love, just as they are, and not as I would like them to be. Furthermore, that I would have the courage not to manipulate or change a situation or another person to suit my perceptions.
The Tragedy:
The scene looks hopeless. Often, we just endure, break down, become sick. What is worse, we end up becoming oppressors. In all this, children not only suffer the most, but they, who were once victims, now in turn when they become adults, become the oppressors and replay the whole process all over again.
Our Justification:
Justified anger is the biggest block, the biggest weapon of the EGO.
The second block is my duty. It is my duty to correct them. If I don’t correct them then who will correct them. Often we do not understand that we are playing out our own childhood script. Our own childhood hurts and angers.
The third. The EGO once again. They must know who is Boss. Who is in charge.
I’m sure each one of us has our own reasons for being angry, hurt, hurtful, rejecting, rejected, selfish, hating, hateful, drinking, abusive, womanizing, criticizing, gossiping, beating our children, fighting in the family and all the rest.
Except where does our justification take us? Do we wish to be happy and healthy or miserable, sick and broken!
Conversion: Light will dawn only when I get tired of my own behavior, ask myself, “Was I born in this world, to live this miserable life? Is there no better way of living?” Why me? What have I done to deserve all this? Then why? Why God, why?
Unfortunately not many survive this tragic downward spiral of self-justification. It often leads to substance abuse (alcoholism, drugs), depression, hatred and even suicide.
Yet there are also those of us who see the Light! They begin to understand they are on a road to nowhere. There must be another way they reason out. They begin to introspect. They begin to let the Light in. The Divine Light begins to dispel the Darkness within their soul. That is the moment when they stop BLAMING!!! Blaming God, their spouse, their children, their neighbor, their boss, their country or whoever.
It’s time for me to take responsibility now. To CARE-front my life. It is time for me to sit quietly and take a second look at my life. To talk to a friend. To get help. With humility I will have to ask myself: WHO AM I?
Transformation:
Transformation or Conversion is a process of moving from hatred to love. It is a call to forgiving Love. Forgiving Love first and foremost to myself. I must have the humility to accept that I have lived a loveless life, terrorizing myself as well as others.