QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Question?

Bro. Malcolm I would love it if you could talk about the following topic: 

In today's time people find it very difficult to say 'I am sorry' or 'sorry I was wrong', or 'sorry I misunderstood you'. 

That's because we were not taught as kids and also never continued to do it as adults even if we were taught as kids. 

People in today's time including me, are egoistic, or afraid to say sorry, or feel ashamed of admitting

mistakes, because the opposite person isn't always forgiving and this person cannot take blame. 

So it works two ways. 

This needs to be inculcated already at home with our young kids. We need to be examples. 

Some very practical examples will help. So it would  be great if you can write an article on this.

Answer:

Thanks very much for your question Miss

. I will try my best to answer it, even though it does not really have one single answer.

If I distill what you have asked me, I believe it comes down to two points:

1.      How is it that so many of us find it so very difficult to own up to our mistakes and apologise?

2.      Why is it that we are so egotistical, competitive and downright hurtful rather than other centred, forgiving, cooperative and searching for a better life together.

You make reference to inspirational movies. They are inspirational and intended to inspire and teach. But even after having watched them we fall short in real life. Why? Primarily because we want this learning to be applied to others not ourselves. Isn’t it?

The most useful teaching or learning, is when we are children, because it really sinks in. However this teaching often gets negated because significant role models in our life do not support the teaching with their behaviour. As when a parent is teaching a child to say ‘sorry’ for a misdemeanour, the parent himself (or herself) is never ready to apologise. And the child is aware of this.

If we intend to make changes in life and bring about an improvement in our social environment, the place to start is our own personal lives. We cannot lament our childhood and poor upbringing. We were not given a choice of parents or place, but I believe we are all given the where withal to make new choices and bring about a positive outlook in life.

Louise Hay would say we are all victims of victims. We don’t have to remain victims for the rest of our lives. The very fact that you are asking questions, means that you have become aware that you are looking at life through the wrong end of the telescope. Yes there must be another way of living.

Gandhiji put it so aptly, “be the change you wish to see in the world”. Start practicing what you would like to see and expect in your children or anyone else for that matter. That’s easily said than done. Yet with a pinch of awareness, a longing desire for happiness and a bit of discipline one can start on the road to freedom and happiness. All you have to do is become aware of one behaviour you would like to see or experience in your child, spouse, colleague, or in anyone else and begin inculcating it in your own life. For example, you’d like people to respond with a simple ‘thank you’ or any acknowledgement of gratitude. Begin doing it yourself. That’s something I began to practice almost twenty years ago and the results were mind boggling.

Quite early in life I had begun to realise that my principal response to life was irritation, anger and criticism. No one seemed to be responsible, hard working or doing things right. I constantly looked at people with suspicion and mistrust. There was no possibility of happiness in this world. Soon I began to hate myself. Get the picture?

Then I ran into Louise Hay and the likes of her. Ofcourse I did not believe them. But then I thought why not?  That first ‘Why not’ changed my life. In any and every situation I functioned, I expressed gratitude and a blessing: at a ticketing window on getting my reserved ticket, I responded “thank you, God bless you”, alighting from a taxi cab I said ‘thank you, God bless you’, at the vegetable vendors, I said ‘thank you God bless you’. Got the point? In my next post I’ll speak more about changing the world by changing my life.