Self-Discovery

The Journey of Self-Discovery! 

My Decision to Find Myself!

                                                                                   By Eleni Makedonas

Eleni's sharing has inspired me and so I share it with you. (malcolm rodrigues s.j.)

I can say with confidence that the moment a person truly starts down the path of self-discovery, they will never turn back. Many may ask the question, “What is self-discovery?” or “What do you mean you don’t know who you are?”

The American English Dictionary defines self-discovery as follows:

“a becoming aware of one’s true potential, character, motives, etc.”

Ignorance towards my true self is something I lived with for a long time. Self-discovery means many things. It means finding your purpose in life (we all have a purpose), it means digging deep into your childhood and revealing the experiences that shaped you... good and bad. It means realizing what your beliefs are and living by them. The effects of self-discovery include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey however is not always an easy road. The journey includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting all your choices in life. I like to refer to it as spring-cleaning of the mind, your emotions and your surroundings (including the people in your life). It requires making some tough decisions and sticking to them. My journey so far has seen me cut people out of my life. I call them the “takers.” They were takers because I allowed them to be and it wasn’t until I realized that many of these relationships were one-sided — self-discovery — that I decided to cut them out. It has also seen me completely change the course of my life and start to follow my true passion and purpose (this blog). I have also started to set intentions and no longer have expectations from others — okay... this one is really hard for me and it’s a work in progress — but instead I have started to look within for answers. I’ve had several set backs along the way and I have no doubt I will have many more but, I’m not giving up.

What I know for sure is that the journey is worth taking. I am slowly becoming calmer, more aware and more tolerant. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better.

What I know for sure is that I have been very hard on myself for most of my life. I have not been truthful with myself and have had unrealistic expectations therefore, setting myself up for disappointment. Why do we do this? Why do we lie to ourselves? And more importantly, why do we allow ourselves to get away with it? When someone else lies to me and I find out about it I freak out. “How dare he lie to me? Does she think I’m stupid?” but, we lie to ourselves profusely and even cover up our own lies by accepting them as truth in order to reassure ourselves that it’s okay??!?!?!

For example: I have body image issues. I have always had body image issues yet covered it up by lying to myself. When I was 14 I even tried to starve myself thin. I would convince myself that I was happy with the way I looked when deep down I knew I wasn’t. I worked so hard to cover up how I really felt by masking my true feelings. “I’m happy with my hips” I would tell myself and “I like my perky butt,” even though deep down I hated the way I looked. I’m not implying that what I was feeling was a good thing but, it was what I was feeling and ignoring it, or pretending it didn’t exist was doing no good to me — or my body image issues. Eventually, it became exhausting. Recently, I started working on accepting the fact that I have body image issues and acknowledging my feelings towards them. I am not suppressing the feelings I have anymore instead, I am admitting to them therefore diminishing the threat they once held upon me and reducing the hold they had on my life. There comes a freedom with accepting your feelings and emotions. It’s like a release of some sort. Like you’ve identified the elephant in the room and waved at him so you no longer have to pretend he’s not there. Once you acknowledge the elephant in the room he doesn’t bother you anymore. You learn to co-exist and be okay with his presence and not allow him to control how you act and feel anymore.

What I know for sure is that being true to my feelings and acknowledging them as well as validating them has released so much fear in me. It has released my fear of not being good enough as well as my fear of not living up to the expectations I set for myself. What I know for sure is that we are usually our own worst enemy. We hold ourselves back in so many ways and I am ready to move away from that pattern. I’m not suggesting that these fears no longer exist within me because they certainly do and, I don’t think they will ever go away but now that I am aware of my true feelings and now that I am becoming conscious of my real beliefs, they no longer have a strangle hold on my life. Instead, I have a hold on how they can or cannot affect me.

My message is this... Stop being your own worst enemy! Stop lying to yourself about your emotions and feelings and start accepting them and allowing yourself to feel whatever is it you feel. The freedom you will feel within yourself is reward enough however, the universe will give you back the love that you have finally and justifiably started to give yourself. This I promise you!

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
— Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Teaching Your Children Well - Quoted from the Book,"Communion with God" - By Neale Donald Walsh

Teach these truths to your children, and you will have taught them grandly!

;  Teach your children that they need nothing exterior to themselves to be happy - no person, place or thing - and that true happiness is found within. Teach them that they are sufficient unto themselves.

;  Teach your children that failure is a fiction, that every trying is a success, and that every effort is what achieves the victory, with the first no less honorable than the last.

;  Teach your children that they are deeply connected to all Life, that they are One with all people, and that they are never separate from God.

;  Teach your children that they live in a world of magnificent abundance, that there is enough for everyone, and that it is in sharing the most, not in gathering the most, that the most is received.

;  Teach your children that there is nothing that they are required to be or do to be eligible for a life of dignity and fulfillment; that they need not compete with anyone for anything, and that God's blessings are meant for everyone.

;  Teach your children that they will never be judged, that they need not worry about always getting it right, and that they do not have to change anything, or "get better", to be seen as perfect and beautiful in the eyes of God.

;  Teach your children that consequences and punishment are not the same thing, that death does not exist, and that God would not condemn anyone.

;  Teach your children that there are no conditions to love, that they need not worry about ever loosing your love, or God's, and that their own love, unconditionally shared, is the greatest gift they can give to the world.

;  Teach your children that being special does not mean being better, that claiming superiority over someone is not seeing them for Who They Really Are, and that there is a great healing in acknowledging "mine is not a better way, mine is merely another way".

;  Teach your children that there is nothing that they cannot do, that the illusion of ignorance can be eradicated from the earth, and that all anyone really needs is to be given back to themselves by being reminded of Who They Really Are.

;  Teach these things not with your words but with your actions; not with discussion but with demonstration. For it is what you do that that children will emulate, and how you are that they will become.

Tips to Healthy and Happy Living

REST: Take enough time to rest. A tired body and a tired mind finds it very difficult to cope with the challenges of daily life and living. Go to sleep around 10.00 or 10.30 and wake up at around 5.00 or 5.30. Working late hours is a myth and only brings suffering and sickness in later years.

Work: Learn to share, distribute or delegate your work, among your colleagues. You will be surprised at the amount of joy you will create in your own and others lives. Be aware that the limitations of physical time do not allow any single individual, (however clever and efficient) to do everything under the sun.

     

Be aware of the fears that prevent you from sharing your work and responsibilities with colleagues and confreres.

Nourishment: Make sure you take enough and healthy nourishment. Be aware about your beliefs, fears and hang-ups concerning the food you eat. Eating is a trained habit, formed from beliefs generally made in childhood. Habits can be changed. Food as such NEVER causes sickness.

                     Exercise: Take time to exercise your body. A brisk walk, with head held high and hands swinging, early in the morning, definitely is a very useful beginning of the day. Combine this with positive affirmations and deep breathing, and you are guaranteed a healthy and happy life.

                     Holistic: Have a holistic approach to life. Body, Mind and Spirit. When the three are in alignment, you are assured of health and happiness. The Body gives physical signals (aches, pains, etc) and the Spirit gives emotional Signals (anger, depression, etc) that all is not well in the Mind.

                      Privacy: Keep enough time and space for your personal self. Love thy neighbour as thyself…Lev.19/18 Mat.19/19. Take time to be STILL, IN BODY MIND AND SPIRIT. Do the things you really like doing. Reading, writing, listening to music, being with people you love, gardening or relaxing in a garden.

                      Healing: Take time to heal yourself. Practice positive affirmations daily. Let go of memories. Forgive yourself and every one in your life. Start training yourself, to stop criticizing and punishing, yourself and others.

I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM! 

I LOVE THE WORLD JUST THE WAY IT IS!

The above is not exhaustive. I am sure there is a lot more you can add to it. But remember “… an oak tree takes a hundred years to grow! If you want an oak tree, plant it today, not tomorrow!”

                                                                                                   by malcolm sj

Prayer to Heal Your Life

THANK YOU LORD,

For the gift of my life. 
I am beautiful, I am wonderful
I am your image and likeness. 
I am the temple of your spirit. 
I love and appreciate myself, 
I accept myself 
with deep joy and happiness 
Thank you Lord 
for the gift of my life.

Thank you lord,

For the many persons in my life;
My parents, my brothers and sisters,

(my husband/wife/children)

My relatives and friends.
I believe that they all love me

and I love and accept them all.

Thank you Lord,

For all those who have loved me

And continue loving me still.
Thank you Lord, For all those

Who find it difficult to love me.

I thank you too, for all those whom

I find it difficult to love.

I am willing to love and accept them.

I do not always love myself,

I do not always love other persons.
I am willing to forgive myself,

I am willing to forgive others.
Yes I love myself,

Thank you Lord

For the gift of my life.

Finally I thank you lord

for loving me unconditionally

Amen.

                                                                                   By Br. Malcolm SJ

Malcolm sj - Migraine healed -Episode4 Eng #ChallengesinFamilyLife

What are you doing to improve the Quality of your Life - Part 3

A stage of Meaningful quality in your life.

1.    Do you have a purpose in life! Why were you born!

a.    Consider this: Your purpose in life is to know who you are:-

                                          i.    Are you your Body? Your mind?Your Education? Your degrees?

                                        ii.    Are you your heritage? Your family? Your background? Your caste? Your creed? Your religion?

                                       iii.    Are you your wealth, your possessions? Money? Land?

                                       iv.    What about the position you hold? Your achievements? Your Degrees? 
                          Your awards?

                                        v.    Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, Husband, Wife, you name it?

b.    All this will pass away! So WHO indeed are you?

c.    Another Consideration: The only thing that does not change:- you came with it, and will go with it when everything else has disintegrated: Call it Spirit – Soul – Atman.

d.    You never were born – you always existed – when this so called sojourn on Earth began, you were given a body, but you always existed, and this body will one day disintegrate, but you will live – as spirit as you were before.

e.    But maybe not exactly as before – you will have now a deeper consciousness of who you. And I would dare to suggest, you will have a Divine Consciousness.

f.     I would believe, we are all part of the Divine, and our purpose in life, is not only to become aware of this Divine Consciousness, but to share it with all of creation around me, thus creating a world of Love, Peace and Joy.

g.    I come from God! I live in God! I will go Back to God.

What are you doing to improve the Quality of your Life - Part 2

So what do I do in such a situation?

Here is a line of reflection you could follow:

1.    My past, my background, my up bringing defines my present, my future.

a.  Do I understand this? What is the baggage from the past that I am carrying? Am I carrying resentments, prejudices, pains, angers, hurts or whatever from my past?

b.  Did I grow up in abject poverty? Did I grow up in a dysfunctional family? Was I abused as a child?

c.  Did one or both parents die when I was a child? Did I experience divorce between my parents? Did either of my parents abandon me as a child?

d.  I cannot really enumerate all the events that may contribute to my present day situation. But I hope you get the situation. The answers to your present day situation will most certainly be found in your early or recent past.

e.  A word of caution: Your Ego or Pride will do its utmost to convince you that your problem does not lie in your past but in those around you:- Your Spouse, your Boss, your Mother-in-law, the markets, spiraling prices, the devil and even God. If you believe this, then you are helpless and become a victim!

f.   Instead take responsibility. This does not mean you are to blame. This only mean that you are willing to look into your life, that you are willing to use your ability to RESPOND rather than REACT to a situation.

g.  We react because we are frightened. We DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE CHOICES. To respond, to heal, we must have resources. We ALL possess these resources. Unfortunately, our upbringing has convinced us that we don’t have resources, and must depend on others. (Parents, relatives, teachers, etc.) The more I understand that I am enough! That I have every thing I possibly need to live a humane and effective life, the more free, joyful and successful will I be.

2. As you pass this stage of resolving issues from your past, you could gently move on to the second stage.

Continued in next post.

Malcolm sj - Challenges in Family Life -Episode 3 Eng #ChallengesinFamil...

Malcolm sj - Cahllenges in Family Life -Episode 1 #counselling

What are you doing to improve the Quality of your Life - Part 1

A Recollection is a term commonly used in the Catholic Christian Tradition when Religious (Priest, Nuns, Brothers) took time for a day, a week end, a week or even a month, to be silent, pray and reflect on how their interior life was going on. Today in the Corporate world too, some attempt is being made to give employees the advantage of silence, meditation, reflection etc. Another common term interchangeable with Recollection, is Retreat. Which literally means exactly that, to go back in time and become aware of where one could make changes to improve the quality of his or her life.

A Recollection is to recollect memories, to recall memories, to remember. And as we remember, we literally  re–member, that is put together, as different from dis - member. A dis-membering is a breaking up, a scattering, while re-membering is a bringing together, from fragmented to unifying.  To experience a wholeness, a rebirth, a GESTALT!

As days and weeks and months pass, we get involved. We want to give the best of ourselves, we reach out, work hard. Soon we forget ourselves, get lost in the events of each day. We are no more in control. We get depleted, tired, worn out, lonely, irritable and a part of us begins to withdraw. Soon we get isolated. From family, friends, companions, people and quite likely from God. We soon begin to look at life around us in an aggressive way. Finding fault, criticizing, judging people and their performance.

Loneliness sets in. This is a critical juncture in ones life. The resultant behaviours might lead to unsavoury company, drinking, smoking, drugs, extra marital sex and a variety of behaviours that might take one spiraling down the drain.  It’s time to find an oasis, to soothe our thirst, to rest our head, to be alone, to recall, to remember, to recollect. Find a reliable friend a confidante or even a counselor with whom one can open up and share.

Continued in next post as Part 2

Malcolm Brother sj - Challenges in Family Life - #counseling - English

An Extract from Debbie Ford.

Debbie Ford is one of my favourite authors. Needles to say, she has impressed me and inspired me a great deal. Through her writings, I have learned to heal a lot of my ‘Shadow Self’. I’d like to share with you an inspiring page from one of her books.

Ford, Debbie (2009-10-13).

The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Story

Imagine that you knew at birth that you were a master, that you were powerful beyond measure, that you possessed enormous gifts, and that all it would take to deliver your gifts to the world was your desire. Imagine that you came into this world with your heart filled with the healing power of love and that your only desire was to bestow that love onto all those around you. Imagine that you had the innate ability to create and have all that you want and all that you need. Is it possible that at some point in your life you knew that there was no one else in the world like you? And that in every fiber of your being you knew that you not only possessed the light of the world, but that you were the light of the world? Is it possible that at one time you knew who you were at the deepest level and you rejoiced in your gifts? Take a moment now, and see if you can remember that time when you knew the truth

Then something happened. Your world changed. Something or someone cast a shadow on your light. From that moment on you feared that you and your precious gifts were no longer safe in the world. You felt that if you didn’t hide your sacred gift it might be abused, injured, or taken away from you. Deep inside, you knew that this gift was like a precious, innocent child that was yours to protect. So you did what any good parent would do: You hid all your magnificence deep inside so that no one would ever discover it, so that no one could hurt it or take it away from you.

Then, with the creativity of a child, you covered it up. You created an act, a persona, a drama, a story so that nobody would ever suspect that you were the keeper of so much light. You were very smart— brilliant, actually— at hiding your secret. Not only did you convince others that you were not that; you also convinced yourself— all because you were being a good parent to the gift that you held. It was your secret— your deep, dark secret, which only you knew. You were even creative enough to manifest the exact opposite of that which you truly are so that you could protect yourself from those who might be upset or angered by your innate gifts.
But after days months and years of hiding your treasure, you began to believe your story. You became the persona you created to protect your secret. At that moment you forgot that you had ever buried your treasured gift in the first place. You not only forgot where you had hidden it, you forgot that you had hidden it at all. Your light, love, greatness and beauty got lost inside your story. You forgot that you had a secret.
From that moment on, you felt lost, alone, separate and scared. Suddenly you became aware that there was something missing - and there was.

Perhaps its time now for your lamp to shine before the world once again. Find and take ownership of your Secret - that you are light, love, greatness, beauty and so much more and become free once again.